今年多倫多的秋天好像來的特別早，上個星期開始，許多個晚上的氣溫已在10度以下了。再過兩個禮拜，到處便可以看到樹葉通紅的美景了。雖然美景當前，但是仍喚起了我一些記憶。
大概是兩年前，我在中秋節前人是了一個從事時裝和設計界的人。起初大家也蠻投緣，常常去吃飯，喝酒。他也跟我說了他很多家事，也介紹了我給他的家人認識。他超希望吃香港半島酒店的奶皇月餅，市面上已經賣完了，我卻用盡辦法幫他買了兩盒回來。事情的進展本來不錯，不過，之後我隨他去了紐約工作一個禮拜後，關係就開始逆轉了。也許，我不是他想找的對象。他年紀比我大（8年），經歷也比我深，在他眼裡，除了我豐富的旅遊經歷外，其它的他也可能認為我是個入世未深的小孩。我還記得我們從紐約回來的一天，他婉轉的向我說了“不”。不過，當時我還是有點死心不息：他要搬回香港，我就義務幫他拿東西回去。他邀請我出席某個超級悶的品牌活動，我也答應了。他要吃日本料理和喝酒，不管多累我都樂於奉陪。這樣的生活維持了好幾個禮拜，我身旁的朋友都紛紛覺得不對，喝酒耍樂根本就違反了不喜歡應酬的我。我也開始覺得他對我的態度也漸漸改變了，再也沒有擁抱過。
心想，不必勉強了，是時候鬆手，我們現在還偶有聯繫，但是完全沒有之前的火花了
以為結束了這段短暫關係後，我的心可以恢復平靜。上天又為我安排了另一冤孽，我和一個已婚的同事開始了戀情！！我真的以為我夠大方，人家都結婚了，我妄想跟他在香港的另一半分享他的愛情。被愛情擋著視線的我，一廂情願的只看到他的優點和大家相處的甜蜜時光。直到他告訴我有了孩子的一刻，我才從甜夢中驚醒。我決定接受現實，用我所謂的愛，繼續支持著他。誰料，他有了新的目標，就對我越來越冷淡，甚至故意地避開我。我為他吊兒郎當的態度而著急，覺得他沒有盡責去準備治家，他卻砌詞狡辯。最痛心和不甘的是他不承認和我的親密，就說是自己喝醉了！我們完了，大家都在臉書封鎖了對方。和他絕交後，我去了一個禮拜日本。七天的火車旅程我想了很多東西：包括如何向他的另一半揭發他的荒繆行為，讓他家破人亡，要他後悔一輩子自己的錯誤。幸好，我跟他不一樣，我有良知，也會負責任。這個錯誤的開始我們都應附上責任，我覺得要蒙在鼓裡的無辜受到傷害是絕對不公平，同時我亦要專重生命，我不想看到有人會為此而輕生，這樣我就間接的做了殺人兇手。
直到最近，我們在職場上碰面，我們沒有在交談。有他在場，我就更發揮領袖的本色！！
那個秋天我弄的滿身傷痕。療傷的過程，我放下怨恨，變得自在，更學會了愛惜自己和珍惜現有。懂得去愛自己，就可以去關心其它他，跟失意的人來個風花雪月，自己的經歷可能啓發他人的同時，我也累積更多人生的智慧
現在，我習慣了獨自去面對每個秋天。天氣雖冷，但是我沒有覺得淒涼。因為，多得他們的放棄，我會照顧自己，享受一個人的精彩，繼續延續我人生光輝的每一頁。他們對我的不好，我會銘記於心卻沒有再怨恨，畢竟這些難得的人生經歷把我從石頭雕刻翡翠
This fall seems arriving way too early this year in Toronto. The low temperatures in the last week were below 10 already. In two weeks, we should see the red and orange maple leaves across the city. The scene is absolutely gorgeous but also recalling some of my memories.
I met a guy before the mid autumn festival two years ago. He was working in the fashion and design industry which I have no knowledge in it even now. We hit it up and started dating. He told me lots of his family matters and introduced me his family members. I tried all the sources to get him the quickly sold out custard mooncakes from Peninsula Hotel Hong Kong because he wanted to eat it. The relationship seemed on a right track until a business trip with him to NYC. Perhaps, I might not be the one he was seeking. Apart from my travel experiences, I could be just a small kid in all other aspects of life from his eyes as he is eight years older than me. I got a "no" signal indirectly from him after we were back from NYC. But, my heart was not yet dead. He returned to HK for good. I voluntarily "transport" most of his belongings across the ocean. I nodded my head towards his invitation for a boring fashion event. I entertained him whenever he felt like to have fine Japanese food and drinks even I was extremely tired from work. My friends worried me because I was not like that outgoing and sociable. Well, I started thinking his attitude was not longer the same. We didn't even hug.
No point to insist. It was time to let him go. We are still in touch sometimes. But, the sparks are already burnt out.
I thought I would return in peace after this short relationship. Thank the Lord for giving me another disastrous relationship. I was in a relationship with a married colleague. How innocent to believe I could share his love with his wife from the other side of the planet. My eyes were so blinded with love that I could only see his goods and our sweet moments. One day, I was waken by the news that his wife was pregnant. I could only choose to accept the fact. I continued to support him with my so-called love. However, he was simply ignoring me because he has new life targets established! He even purposely hid himself from me. I worry he couldn't manage as he didn't seem ready to have a family. He made up many excuses to defend himself. The most heart breaking was he denied our close body contact (not sex!!) which he said he did it because he was drunk. We are DONE. We blocked each other in faebook. After the breakup, I was having lots of train trips in Japan which gave me lots of free time to think. I was thinking how to tell his wife of all his irresponsible acts, how to break his family and make him to regret what he had done... etc. Luckily, I am not like him. I am still kind and responsible enough. We both held responsibilities on this matter. Personally, I think hurting the innocent ones is not fair to them. At the same time, I didn't want to see anyone ending her life as I respect lives.
We worked together recently after he was back from maternity leave, We didn't have non work related conversations. Whenever he was there, I was even more black and white and showing him my "leadership"!!
My body was full of wounds after that autumn. I became more relaxed since I left hate during my recovery. I learned to love myself and cherish the present. Knowing how to love myself allows me to care the other people. I wish my past experience can inspire anyone with life downturns. Also, by listening to the others, I could accumulate more wisdom of life.
I am used to face all the autumns ahead. The weather is chilling but I'd never feel cold. Thanks for them giving me up, I could take care of myself, enjoying my prosperous single life and moving onto all the sparkling pages in my life. Won't hate them for being bad to me as these life experiences sculpture from a raw rock to jade.
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