人際之間的關係很微妙，我跟他素未謀面，偶然跟他聯繫上，他的遭遇打動了我
一個年少有為的醫護人員，為了另一半，無條件的付出。換來的卻是一連串的惡夢：先是被對方拋棄，之後就驗出可能被感染了HIV。現在正處於空窗期的他，每天應付的不單是工作上的壓力，更要抽空照顧年老的父母；要準時吃藥；要注意身體狀況... 等等。 最煎熬的，莫過於起伏不定如過山車的情緒。被拋棄的不甘心，愛與恨膠著。明明還是想念著對方，腦海中不停湧現著昔日義無反顧的愛情。幾秒鐘後，腦袋又播放著被逼分手，擔心如果是確診的病患，過往努力地考取的專業資格很大機會就會化為烏有。敗給了“信任”和“愛情”，不安全的性行為對擁有豐富醫學知識的他是個很大的羞辱，因此是構想了恨不得把對方找出來打個痛快的畫面。
我從未接觸過心情和際遇那麼複雜的人。我，不懂得對他說甚麼。心知道鼓勵的說話大家都會說，真心的話又怕把他打進18層地獄。幾天前他突然打給我，我的思緒被打亂了。三個半小時的電話對話，基本上第一個鐘頭都是讓他抒發心裡的感受。我很擔心，因為我覺得我們在感情失敗後的想法都很像。第二個鐘頭我開始嘗試表達了我對整個事情的看法，畢竟我是個局外人，沒有作甚麼批判性的言論。由於我的失敗經驗太多，所以試著引導他不要走上我以前痛苦的路。第三個鐘頭，我繼續說出我的看法，不過這回就有點像辯論，他某些想法和動作恕我無法贊同...朋友，請不要介意，說話率直是我的缺點，也是我最大的優點，不管怎樣，我也希望他可以從另外一個角度看和處理餘下的問題而不要把問題複雜化。他已經夠辛苦了，放鬆一點好不好？ 最後的半個小時，我們開始講別的事情，我偶爾聽到了他的笑聲，也鬆了一口氣。
因為他的經歷，我看到了自己的影子。當日徬徨無助的日子，自己是怎麼樣過的？人是主觀的，大家的際遇，成長背景和價值觀都不一樣，我也沒可能想出任何適合他的方法。就是因為大家的價值觀不一，我希望他可以從多方面去面對。行動前，謹記要考慮長遠結果和顧全大局。
我，在感情，工作和健康都輸過，跌倒過，傷過，絕望過。領會到凡事沒有絕對，今天的不順，將會是明日的甜美回憶。苦過，才明白到自己多幸福；失去過，才會更珍惜現有；錯過，會學懂面對現實和把經歷變成智慧。
“要說的，我都說了。餘下的要靠你自己！人生無幾個十年，如果平均壽命是八十歲，你已差不多活了一半。你要選擇一直被他的陰影蠶食著而沈淪下去還是活得精彩，你想清楚吧。你是個醫生，你救過無數人，可以快點救自己嗎？如果我是被你幫助過的病人，看到你的迷失落魄都會很難過。我每天讀你的部落都覺得很心酸，因為你寫的30多篇文章都離不開怨恨。既然事情已經發生了，何不集中精神，先顧好自己？既然你揮不走你的腦海，倒不如就不要忘記他。用他對你的不好作為向前的動力，去引證上天給予你的能力。也不要讓愛護你，支持你的朋友失望。”
回眸過去，一笑置之。視野不要被一陣的過眼雲煙停留著，加油，放下過去，大家都勇敢地撥開雲霧，向前衝吧！！
"The bounding" among people are always unpredictable. I have never met him but we are networked. His story has moved me.
A doctor with a blooming career in the medical filed has traded his unconditional love with a series of nightmares. Firstly, being dumped by the other half. Then, his HIV blood test result was a horrible positive. The result is not 100% confirmed yet as he still has to do a few tests to confirm if he carries the illness. In the meanwhile, his life isn't easy as he has to take care of his elderly parents, taking medications on time, sorting out all work-related matters and taking note of his body conditions ... etc. Emotionally, his mood goes up and down like a roller coaster. His mind is full of sweet memories at certain time of a day and in seconds he could drown himself to the trough where contains pictures of break up and the possible ruined career. Being defeated by "trust" and "love", his unsafe sex is a big insult to his professionalism. As a result, he imagines to beat up the other party.
I have never met people with such complicated emotion and life. I have no idea what to say. I assume I don't say much something encouraging as many people have said so already. I worry my unmodified words would hurt him like sending him to the hell. My mind was turned up side down when he called me on phone suddenly few days ago. We talked for three and a half hours. The first hour was more like to let him speak up his thoughts. I was worried because our responses towards love failures were pretty much the same. The next hour, was trying to tell him what I thought. I couldn't make much comment as I am an outsider of his relationship. Since I had too many love failures before, was attempting to lead him out of the miserable thinkings. Then, I continued to voice my point of view to the matter. We were like doing a minor debates as I didn't agree some of his thoughts. My friend, please don't mind. My weakness, could also be my strength, is that I am always too straight to the point without considering your feelings. Trust me, my intention is to make you see this from different angles. Solving the current problems is a lot more practical than worsening the situation. Your life is difficult enough, could you make it easier? I was relieved in the last thirty minutes of the phone call because we started to talk something else and I heard you laugh.
I see my shadow from what he is going through. How did I overcome the days filled with desperation? Human beings are subjective. Our past life experiences and values are never identical. It is just impossible to think of any solutions suit him the best. But, because of the differences of values, I hope he could consider from dynamic ways. He must think about the long term consequences before taking any actions.
Life is never smooth. I felt lost. hurt and desperate from my love, work and health. The obstacles today will become sweet memories in the future. Disasters and failures make me understand how fortunate I am relative to the more misfortunate. I learn to cherish when I am losing something. I learn to face the reality and turn experience to wisdom whenever I have made mistakes.
"I have said all I have to say. It is all up to you! There are not many decades in one's life. If the average life expectance is 80, you are approaching to half of it. Please think about if you would choose to let your ex to decay your life or a wonderful life with lots of hopes. You have saved numerous life, can you save yourself? You are definitely breaking my heart if I am one of your patients who know you are so miserable now. My heart turns sour everyday after reading your blog as 30 plus of our articles are to do with hate. Things happened already, why not focusing on taking care of yourself first? As your ex is already implanted in your mind deeply, why bother? Live with him since his bad not only transforms to motivation to move you forward, but also proves your ability gifted by the Lord. Never let whoever supporting you down!!!"
When we are looking back, things happened were just laughable. Do not let "the scattered showers and storms" blur our visions. Let the past goes, move on!!!
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