人月兩團圓的中秋節晚上，我竟然想起了這首歌。幾句歌詞引發了我的感同身受：
“堅強的太久好疲憊，想抱愛的人沈沈的睡”
“死了心，痛就沒感覺”
“灰色空間，我是誰，記不得幸福是甚麼滋味”
“一身傷回到很久以前，我選擇不恨，帶著平靜走遠，醒來後夜還是長夜”
Sunday, 30 September 2012
好歌分享： 灰色空間
人月兩團圓的中秋節晚上，我竟然想起了這首歌。幾句歌詞引發了我的感同身受：
“堅強的太久好疲憊，想抱愛的人沈沈的睡”
“死了心，痛就沒感覺”
“灰色空間，我是誰，記不得幸福是甚麼滋味”
“一身傷回到很久以前，我選擇不恨，帶著平靜走遠，醒來後夜還是長夜”
天天進步 Progress everyday
老闆，你在學問，工作，體格，歲月見證（皺紋）和人生閱歷（年紀）都遠遠在我至上。你幾個禮拜前的一句"you'd better to workout"我銘記於心！！我也拿起了決心，訂了目標而勇敢前進。節日過了，醉也醉過，你也要快點從迷堆破土而出，好嗎？你看，我的運動量每天在進步，不要被我這種次貨超越！！
Hey boss, you are beating me in terms of education, career, body strength, proof of times (wrinkles) and life experience (age).. etc. lol. I always remember what you said weeks ago, "You'd better to work out!" Therefore, I have decided to move forward to achieve my fitness goal. Guess you had enough drinking and whatever emotions in the past moon festival. I hope you are breaking through all frustrations and questions from the space of loss. See, I am improving everyday. Don't let dummies, such as me, over pass you, alright?
Hey boss, you are beating me in terms of education, career, body strength, proof of times (wrinkles) and life experience (age).. etc. lol. I always remember what you said weeks ago, "You'd better to work out!" Therefore, I have decided to move forward to achieve my fitness goal. Guess you had enough drinking and whatever emotions in the past moon festival. I hope you are breaking through all frustrations and questions from the space of loss. See, I am improving everyday. Don't let dummies, such as me, over pass you, alright?
Saturday, 29 September 2012
差點失守了！！ Almost gave up.... !!!!
早上健身房滿了，沒有去運動，本來今天打算放縱一下自己，沒有吃麥片餐，吃了兩頓飯還有半杯汽水和兩球雪糕。也許，運動細胞已被從新啓動，傍晚的時候，我還是去了健身房，做了一個小時運動。悲哀的是週末晚上獨守家園，開心的是又向健康之路邁進一小步。今天的運動量更是多日來最多的，但是身體沒有覺得疲累，不錯吧
I broke my routine work out plan today because the gym was crowded this morning. Was about to relax and spoil myself for a day: didn't have oatmeal, ate two bowls of rice, drank half glass of Sprite and ate 2 scoops of ice cream. Well, my sports genes must be activated... I went to the gym this evening after dinner for an hour workout. The sad side was I got not plan on a weekend night. The bright side is to take a step closer towards my healthy life. My body didn't feel tired even though I had the biggest progress in the week. No bad?
I broke my routine work out plan today because the gym was crowded this morning. Was about to relax and spoil myself for a day: didn't have oatmeal, ate two bowls of rice, drank half glass of Sprite and ate 2 scoops of ice cream. Well, my sports genes must be activated... I went to the gym this evening after dinner for an hour workout. The sad side was I got not plan on a weekend night. The bright side is to take a step closer towards my healthy life. My body didn't feel tired even though I had the biggest progress in the week. No bad?
我快樂嗎？我很快樂！！
今年的中秋節很熱鬧，可是不是我家... 一直在臉書都看到朋友們在刊登舉家慶祝中秋節的事情，看到了白兔燈籠，月餅和柚子的照片不期然讓我想起了小時候過節的情景。
兒童時候，外公還在的時間，我們都會先吃好晚飯才去賞月。晚飯通常是外婆和幫傭花一整天去準備，菜式離不開都有白切雞，燒肉，魚翅鮑魚雞湯等等。外公外婆，我們一家，阿姨一家和一直嫁不出的小姨10多人5點多就會在外公家吃飯，吃到7-8點就去樓下的平台賞月。印象中，好像應該沒有把月餅等應節食品拿下去吃。我和我哥和表哥表姐每次都在平台玩的瘋了，最愛把螢光棒拋來拋去，沒有甚麼華麗的燈籠，也沒有奢侈的享受，我們都超開心的。回到外公家，大家就吃月餅，簡單的“蓮香”雙黃蓮蓉月餅，就已經是整個節日的總結。
外公離開也超過20年了，偶爾想起他的片段，都是跟中秋節有關的。他最後的一個中秋節，我們沒有甚麼慶祝，畢竟表哥表姐都移民去多倫多，外公亦因病而住在療養院。
快樂是可以很簡單。最原始的快樂往往最能在人的心中留下記憶。出來工作後的10年間，我以被訓練到對節日不會有重大的感覺和意義。始終我的工作不可能每次都允許我和家人渡過節日，或是我也會在節日的時間外遊。外人都知道我經常外出，去了不同的地方享受了不同程度的快樂，他們一直都覺得我的生活應該會蠻開心的。但是我一定要說，我不是富有的人，我領略到的快樂，是來自我所有的經歷，不管是成功，失敗，繁忙和冒險的，都寫在我人生上。放假的10多天，到現在過了一半，我過著比較簡單的生活，例如是平淡的三餐，適量的運動和早睡早起。沒有出門，但心裡滿足，難道放下了物質生活暫別紅塵煩囂真的喚醒了我的內心快樂？
兒童時候，外公還在的時間，我們都會先吃好晚飯才去賞月。晚飯通常是外婆和幫傭花一整天去準備，菜式離不開都有白切雞，燒肉，魚翅鮑魚雞湯等等。外公外婆，我們一家，阿姨一家和一直嫁不出的小姨10多人5點多就會在外公家吃飯，吃到7-8點就去樓下的平台賞月。印象中，好像應該沒有把月餅等應節食品拿下去吃。我和我哥和表哥表姐每次都在平台玩的瘋了，最愛把螢光棒拋來拋去，沒有甚麼華麗的燈籠，也沒有奢侈的享受，我們都超開心的。回到外公家，大家就吃月餅，簡單的“蓮香”雙黃蓮蓉月餅，就已經是整個節日的總結。
外公離開也超過20年了，偶爾想起他的片段，都是跟中秋節有關的。他最後的一個中秋節，我們沒有甚麼慶祝，畢竟表哥表姐都移民去多倫多，外公亦因病而住在療養院。
快樂是可以很簡單。最原始的快樂往往最能在人的心中留下記憶。出來工作後的10年間，我以被訓練到對節日不會有重大的感覺和意義。始終我的工作不可能每次都允許我和家人渡過節日，或是我也會在節日的時間外遊。外人都知道我經常外出，去了不同的地方享受了不同程度的快樂，他們一直都覺得我的生活應該會蠻開心的。但是我一定要說，我不是富有的人，我領略到的快樂，是來自我所有的經歷，不管是成功，失敗，繁忙和冒險的，都寫在我人生上。放假的10多天，到現在過了一半，我過著比較簡單的生活，例如是平淡的三餐，適量的運動和早睡早起。沒有出門，但心裡滿足，難道放下了物質生活暫別紅塵煩囂真的喚醒了我的內心快樂？
Friday, 28 September 2012
時間與空間 Time and Space
我沒有同樣的經歷，也許沒法感受到別人的壓力。喜歡看電影和電視的我，每每有特別的戲種都會啓發到我的思考力。現在放假的日子也不例外，看了新的戲，也重看了之前看過的。
"地久天長"
“改編自真人真事同名著作，香港青年作家子鶩身患先天性血友病，後因輸入受污染的血製品，成為無辜的愛滋患者，在母親不離不棄的支持下，他前半生為生存而 戰，永不言敗; 子鶩的母親李慧珍女士，看著兒子遭受不治之症的折磨，唯一可做的是用愛心來改變兒子的人生觀。最令慧珍感動的，是子鶩對人生的領悟，比很多成年人都要強。 愛滋病令慧珍與子鶩共同成長起來，明白到與其自怨自艾的等待死神來臨，倒不如在僅餘的時日，令生命變得更精彩，子鶩在死前完成了令人感動的作品「海闊天 空」。子鶩的死並不是終結，慧珍決定把對兒子的愛推已及人，讓世人能放棄歧見，給愛滋病人在僅存日子內，有尊嚴有義意的生存下去，寫出了《地久天長》令人 欣喜動容的作品。”
應該都是因為同一個人，才現在重看這部戲。印象中，首次看到這部戲是在11年前，從新加坡會香港的新航班機看的。內容主要集中描述母子二人的相處和感情，資料性的東西並不多。由於算是歌頌母愛偉大的電影，所以通常都會被電視台選在母親節期間播放。之前看，我都是被感人的情節牽引著而落淚。今天看，配合了他之前在部落寫的一些，我慢慢地了解到他面對著的困難和壓力不是常人可以承受。先不要說他和前度的感情瓜葛，他要面對不但是這棵計時炸彈的威脅，更是這個威脅而導致的心裡壓力。例如，整天擔心著不要有傷口和流血，一個普通的感冒也有可能演變成致命的元兇
子鶩在戲中說“要看這個病，不該只看它對人那種身體的破壞，同時它在挑戰人與人之間的互相接納和諧，彼此專重的精神”，
剛看到他的部落，說他開始通知朋友們患病的事宜。始終香港社會整體對這個病的認知和接受程度不高，他說也要步步為營。
上次我跟他說我前度的事情時，他拿他患病的事情來跟我開玩笑，而我其它的朋友說他應該開始想通了。由於是在whatsapp上的對話，我倒有一個感覺他間接地表達了一種無耐。我也不知道如何去回應他，只覺得大家都不該用患病的事情來玩。之後，換來了一句不用再跟他說"AA" “Alcohol annoymous 的話。我絕對沒有覺得是被他罵了（也許他真的罵我），相反，他提醒了我。希望幫助別人，是要從他們的角度去設想，千萬不該盲目地去同情，把對方是當作萬劫不復的輸家。我相信我的朋友是個很強的人，但是也需要時間去思考和徹底接受現在的狀況。
鼓勵的話，我也不再多說了。當事人都應該聽的很多，也覺得煩厭了。相信現階段，聆聽比建議更實際。他極需要時間和空間，不如大家都不要為他添無形的壓力囉。
I may not feel others' anxiety as I have never faced the same situation. Watching films and tv series always stimulates me to think and learn. So, there is no exception during my holiday which I am watching both new and old works.
"Forever and Ever"
"Based on a real story, a young novel writer Chi Mo suffered from blood illness since birth. He got infected with HIV through blood transfusion. His mother's unconditional support motivated him to fight against the illness. But since, the illness is incurable, his mother was trying to motivate him to change his attitude to life. Chi Mo and his mother understood it is more important to embrace life within the remaining days. Chi Mo finished his work "海闊天空" before deceased. His death is not an end as his mother continued to promote non-discriminating and respecting HIV carriers. That's why she wrote "Forever and Ever"
I rewatched this movie because of the same person whom I mentioned in my previous articles. As I remember, the first time I watched I was in a flight to Hong Kong 11 years ago. It is not a very informative story as it primarily focuses on the love between mother and son. The film is usually chosen to show near to Mothers' day because it is kind of promoting the greatness of a mother. I teared because of the touching plot, previously. But today, after reading my friend's blog, I start to understand the pressure and difficulties he's facing are not anyone's bearable. Beside the conflicts with his ex, his health issues, which is like a timed bomb, really increase his stress level. For instance, he worries bleeding can cause transmission to the other and a simple flu may take his life easily.
Chi Mo said in the movie, "The virus is not just causing physical destructions, but also challenging the acceptance, harmony and mutual respect among people"
Just read his article that he started to inform his friends about his situation. He has to be tactful because of HK's overall limited understanding and acceptance of the illness.
We were talking about my ex few days ago and he made fun of himself and my ex. The conversations were all in texts so that I didn't feel his emotion. Umm.... just felt he was indirectly expressing some sort of discontent. I told him not to make fun of his illness because I treasured and respected him as a friend. He told me not to have any AA (alcohol annoymous) conversations with him. I didn't think he was mean to me. Instead, he reminded me to assist/help other people is to put ourselves to their situation but not showing over sympathy and treating them as losers. I trust and believe he is strong enough to handle all these and of course he needs time to refine and realign himself after this big impact.
Time to suspend all the encouraging words. I am afraid he is getting annoyed. I guess listening is a lot better than advising at this age. Let's give him time and space but not increasing his stress.
資料來自 (translated from)：
http://wmoov.com/movie/details/9487
"地久天長"
“改編自真人真事同名著作，香港青年作家子鶩身患先天性血友病，後因輸入受污染的血製品，成為無辜的愛滋患者，在母親不離不棄的支持下，他前半生為生存而 戰，永不言敗; 子鶩的母親李慧珍女士，看著兒子遭受不治之症的折磨，唯一可做的是用愛心來改變兒子的人生觀。最令慧珍感動的，是子鶩對人生的領悟，比很多成年人都要強。 愛滋病令慧珍與子鶩共同成長起來，明白到與其自怨自艾的等待死神來臨，倒不如在僅餘的時日，令生命變得更精彩，子鶩在死前完成了令人感動的作品「海闊天 空」。子鶩的死並不是終結，慧珍決定把對兒子的愛推已及人，讓世人能放棄歧見，給愛滋病人在僅存日子內，有尊嚴有義意的生存下去，寫出了《地久天長》令人 欣喜動容的作品。”
應該都是因為同一個人，才現在重看這部戲。印象中，首次看到這部戲是在11年前，從新加坡會香港的新航班機看的。內容主要集中描述母子二人的相處和感情，資料性的東西並不多。由於算是歌頌母愛偉大的電影，所以通常都會被電視台選在母親節期間播放。之前看，我都是被感人的情節牽引著而落淚。今天看，配合了他之前在部落寫的一些，我慢慢地了解到他面對著的困難和壓力不是常人可以承受。先不要說他和前度的感情瓜葛，他要面對不但是這棵計時炸彈的威脅，更是這個威脅而導致的心裡壓力。例如，整天擔心著不要有傷口和流血，一個普通的感冒也有可能演變成致命的元兇
子鶩在戲中說“要看這個病，不該只看它對人那種身體的破壞，同時它在挑戰人與人之間的互相接納和諧，彼此專重的精神”，
剛看到他的部落，說他開始通知朋友們患病的事宜。始終香港社會整體對這個病的認知和接受程度不高，他說也要步步為營。
上次我跟他說我前度的事情時，他拿他患病的事情來跟我開玩笑，而我其它的朋友說他應該開始想通了。由於是在whatsapp上的對話，我倒有一個感覺他間接地表達了一種無耐。我也不知道如何去回應他，只覺得大家都不該用患病的事情來玩。之後，換來了一句不用再跟他說"AA" “Alcohol annoymous 的話。我絕對沒有覺得是被他罵了（也許他真的罵我），相反，他提醒了我。希望幫助別人，是要從他們的角度去設想，千萬不該盲目地去同情，把對方是當作萬劫不復的輸家。我相信我的朋友是個很強的人，但是也需要時間去思考和徹底接受現在的狀況。
鼓勵的話，我也不再多說了。當事人都應該聽的很多，也覺得煩厭了。相信現階段，聆聽比建議更實際。他極需要時間和空間，不如大家都不要為他添無形的壓力囉。
I may not feel others' anxiety as I have never faced the same situation. Watching films and tv series always stimulates me to think and learn. So, there is no exception during my holiday which I am watching both new and old works.
"Forever and Ever"
"Based on a real story, a young novel writer Chi Mo suffered from blood illness since birth. He got infected with HIV through blood transfusion. His mother's unconditional support motivated him to fight against the illness. But since, the illness is incurable, his mother was trying to motivate him to change his attitude to life. Chi Mo and his mother understood it is more important to embrace life within the remaining days. Chi Mo finished his work "海闊天空" before deceased. His death is not an end as his mother continued to promote non-discriminating and respecting HIV carriers. That's why she wrote "Forever and Ever"
I rewatched this movie because of the same person whom I mentioned in my previous articles. As I remember, the first time I watched I was in a flight to Hong Kong 11 years ago. It is not a very informative story as it primarily focuses on the love between mother and son. The film is usually chosen to show near to Mothers' day because it is kind of promoting the greatness of a mother. I teared because of the touching plot, previously. But today, after reading my friend's blog, I start to understand the pressure and difficulties he's facing are not anyone's bearable. Beside the conflicts with his ex, his health issues, which is like a timed bomb, really increase his stress level. For instance, he worries bleeding can cause transmission to the other and a simple flu may take his life easily.
Chi Mo said in the movie, "The virus is not just causing physical destructions, but also challenging the acceptance, harmony and mutual respect among people"
Just read his article that he started to inform his friends about his situation. He has to be tactful because of HK's overall limited understanding and acceptance of the illness.
We were talking about my ex few days ago and he made fun of himself and my ex. The conversations were all in texts so that I didn't feel his emotion. Umm.... just felt he was indirectly expressing some sort of discontent. I told him not to make fun of his illness because I treasured and respected him as a friend. He told me not to have any AA (alcohol annoymous) conversations with him. I didn't think he was mean to me. Instead, he reminded me to assist/help other people is to put ourselves to their situation but not showing over sympathy and treating them as losers. I trust and believe he is strong enough to handle all these and of course he needs time to refine and realign himself after this big impact.
Time to suspend all the encouraging words. I am afraid he is getting annoyed. I guess listening is a lot better than advising at this age. Let's give him time and space but not increasing his stress.
資料來自 (translated from)：
http://wmoov.com/movie/details/9487
Thursday, 27 September 2012
秋天的童話 The tales in the autumn
今年多倫多的秋天好像來的特別早，上個星期開始，許多個晚上的氣溫已在10度以下了。再過兩個禮拜，到處便可以看到樹葉通紅的美景了。雖然美景當前，但是仍喚起了我一些記憶。
大概是兩年前，我在中秋節前人是了一個從事時裝和設計界的人。起初大家也蠻投緣，常常去吃飯，喝酒。他也跟我說了他很多家事，也介紹了我給他的家人認識。他超希望吃香港半島酒店的奶皇月餅，市面上已經賣完了，我卻用盡辦法幫他買了兩盒回來。事情的進展本來不錯，不過，之後我隨他去了紐約工作一個禮拜後，關係就開始逆轉了。也許，我不是他想找的對象。他年紀比我大（8年），經歷也比我深，在他眼裡，除了我豐富的旅遊經歷外，其它的他也可能認為我是個入世未深的小孩。我還記得我們從紐約回來的一天，他婉轉的向我說了“不”。不過，當時我還是有點死心不息：他要搬回香港，我就義務幫他拿東西回去。他邀請我出席某個超級悶的品牌活動，我也答應了。他要吃日本料理和喝酒，不管多累我都樂於奉陪。這樣的生活維持了好幾個禮拜，我身旁的朋友都紛紛覺得不對，喝酒耍樂根本就違反了不喜歡應酬的我。我也開始覺得他對我的態度也漸漸改變了，再也沒有擁抱過。
心想，不必勉強了，是時候鬆手，我們現在還偶有聯繫，但是完全沒有之前的火花了
以為結束了這段短暫關係後，我的心可以恢復平靜。上天又為我安排了另一冤孽，我和一個已婚的同事開始了戀情！！我真的以為我夠大方，人家都結婚了，我妄想跟他在香港的另一半分享他的愛情。被愛情擋著視線的我，一廂情願的只看到他的優點和大家相處的甜蜜時光。直到他告訴我有了孩子的一刻，我才從甜夢中驚醒。我決定接受現實，用我所謂的愛，繼續支持著他。誰料，他有了新的目標，就對我越來越冷淡，甚至故意地避開我。我為他吊兒郎當的態度而著急，覺得他沒有盡責去準備治家，他卻砌詞狡辯。最痛心和不甘的是他不承認和我的親密，就說是自己喝醉了！我們完了，大家都在臉書封鎖了對方。和他絕交後，我去了一個禮拜日本。七天的火車旅程我想了很多東西：包括如何向他的另一半揭發他的荒繆行為，讓他家破人亡，要他後悔一輩子自己的錯誤。幸好，我跟他不一樣，我有良知，也會負責任。這個錯誤的開始我們都應附上責任，我覺得要蒙在鼓裡的無辜受到傷害是絕對不公平，同時我亦要專重生命，我不想看到有人會為此而輕生，這樣我就間接的做了殺人兇手。
直到最近，我們在職場上碰面，我們沒有在交談。有他在場，我就更發揮領袖的本色！！
那個秋天我弄的滿身傷痕。療傷的過程，我放下怨恨，變得自在，更學會了愛惜自己和珍惜現有。懂得去愛自己，就可以去關心其它他，跟失意的人來個風花雪月，自己的經歷可能啓發他人的同時，我也累積更多人生的智慧
現在，我習慣了獨自去面對每個秋天。天氣雖冷，但是我沒有覺得淒涼。因為，多得他們的放棄，我會照顧自己，享受一個人的精彩，繼續延續我人生光輝的每一頁。他們對我的不好，我會銘記於心卻沒有再怨恨，畢竟這些難得的人生經歷把我從石頭雕刻翡翠
This fall seems arriving way too early this year in Toronto. The low temperatures in the last week were below 10 already. In two weeks, we should see the red and orange maple leaves across the city. The scene is absolutely gorgeous but also recalling some of my memories.
I met a guy before the mid autumn festival two years ago. He was working in the fashion and design industry which I have no knowledge in it even now. We hit it up and started dating. He told me lots of his family matters and introduced me his family members. I tried all the sources to get him the quickly sold out custard mooncakes from Peninsula Hotel Hong Kong because he wanted to eat it. The relationship seemed on a right track until a business trip with him to NYC. Perhaps, I might not be the one he was seeking. Apart from my travel experiences, I could be just a small kid in all other aspects of life from his eyes as he is eight years older than me. I got a "no" signal indirectly from him after we were back from NYC. But, my heart was not yet dead. He returned to HK for good. I voluntarily "transport" most of his belongings across the ocean. I nodded my head towards his invitation for a boring fashion event. I entertained him whenever he felt like to have fine Japanese food and drinks even I was extremely tired from work. My friends worried me because I was not like that outgoing and sociable. Well, I started thinking his attitude was not longer the same. We didn't even hug.
No point to insist. It was time to let him go. We are still in touch sometimes. But, the sparks are already burnt out.
I thought I would return in peace after this short relationship. Thank the Lord for giving me another disastrous relationship. I was in a relationship with a married colleague. How innocent to believe I could share his love with his wife from the other side of the planet. My eyes were so blinded with love that I could only see his goods and our sweet moments. One day, I was waken by the news that his wife was pregnant. I could only choose to accept the fact. I continued to support him with my so-called love. However, he was simply ignoring me because he has new life targets established! He even purposely hid himself from me. I worry he couldn't manage as he didn't seem ready to have a family. He made up many excuses to defend himself. The most heart breaking was he denied our close body contact (not sex!!) which he said he did it because he was drunk. We are DONE. We blocked each other in faebook. After the breakup, I was having lots of train trips in Japan which gave me lots of free time to think. I was thinking how to tell his wife of all his irresponsible acts, how to break his family and make him to regret what he had done... etc. Luckily, I am not like him. I am still kind and responsible enough. We both held responsibilities on this matter. Personally, I think hurting the innocent ones is not fair to them. At the same time, I didn't want to see anyone ending her life as I respect lives.
We worked together recently after he was back from maternity leave, We didn't have non work related conversations. Whenever he was there, I was even more black and white and showing him my "leadership"!!
My body was full of wounds after that autumn. I became more relaxed since I left hate during my recovery. I learned to love myself and cherish the present. Knowing how to love myself allows me to care the other people. I wish my past experience can inspire anyone with life downturns. Also, by listening to the others, I could accumulate more wisdom of life.
I am used to face all the autumns ahead. The weather is chilling but I'd never feel cold. Thanks for them giving me up, I could take care of myself, enjoying my prosperous single life and moving onto all the sparkling pages in my life. Won't hate them for being bad to me as these life experiences sculpture from a raw rock to jade.
大概是兩年前，我在中秋節前人是了一個從事時裝和設計界的人。起初大家也蠻投緣，常常去吃飯，喝酒。他也跟我說了他很多家事，也介紹了我給他的家人認識。他超希望吃香港半島酒店的奶皇月餅，市面上已經賣完了，我卻用盡辦法幫他買了兩盒回來。事情的進展本來不錯，不過，之後我隨他去了紐約工作一個禮拜後，關係就開始逆轉了。也許，我不是他想找的對象。他年紀比我大（8年），經歷也比我深，在他眼裡，除了我豐富的旅遊經歷外，其它的他也可能認為我是個入世未深的小孩。我還記得我們從紐約回來的一天，他婉轉的向我說了“不”。不過，當時我還是有點死心不息：他要搬回香港，我就義務幫他拿東西回去。他邀請我出席某個超級悶的品牌活動，我也答應了。他要吃日本料理和喝酒，不管多累我都樂於奉陪。這樣的生活維持了好幾個禮拜，我身旁的朋友都紛紛覺得不對，喝酒耍樂根本就違反了不喜歡應酬的我。我也開始覺得他對我的態度也漸漸改變了，再也沒有擁抱過。
心想，不必勉強了，是時候鬆手，我們現在還偶有聯繫，但是完全沒有之前的火花了
以為結束了這段短暫關係後，我的心可以恢復平靜。上天又為我安排了另一冤孽，我和一個已婚的同事開始了戀情！！我真的以為我夠大方，人家都結婚了，我妄想跟他在香港的另一半分享他的愛情。被愛情擋著視線的我，一廂情願的只看到他的優點和大家相處的甜蜜時光。直到他告訴我有了孩子的一刻，我才從甜夢中驚醒。我決定接受現實，用我所謂的愛，繼續支持著他。誰料，他有了新的目標，就對我越來越冷淡，甚至故意地避開我。我為他吊兒郎當的態度而著急，覺得他沒有盡責去準備治家，他卻砌詞狡辯。最痛心和不甘的是他不承認和我的親密，就說是自己喝醉了！我們完了，大家都在臉書封鎖了對方。和他絕交後，我去了一個禮拜日本。七天的火車旅程我想了很多東西：包括如何向他的另一半揭發他的荒繆行為，讓他家破人亡，要他後悔一輩子自己的錯誤。幸好，我跟他不一樣，我有良知，也會負責任。這個錯誤的開始我們都應附上責任，我覺得要蒙在鼓裡的無辜受到傷害是絕對不公平，同時我亦要專重生命，我不想看到有人會為此而輕生，這樣我就間接的做了殺人兇手。
直到最近，我們在職場上碰面，我們沒有在交談。有他在場，我就更發揮領袖的本色！！
那個秋天我弄的滿身傷痕。療傷的過程，我放下怨恨，變得自在，更學會了愛惜自己和珍惜現有。懂得去愛自己，就可以去關心其它他，跟失意的人來個風花雪月，自己的經歷可能啓發他人的同時，我也累積更多人生的智慧
現在，我習慣了獨自去面對每個秋天。天氣雖冷，但是我沒有覺得淒涼。因為，多得他們的放棄，我會照顧自己，享受一個人的精彩，繼續延續我人生光輝的每一頁。他們對我的不好，我會銘記於心卻沒有再怨恨，畢竟這些難得的人生經歷把我從石頭雕刻翡翠
This fall seems arriving way too early this year in Toronto. The low temperatures in the last week were below 10 already. In two weeks, we should see the red and orange maple leaves across the city. The scene is absolutely gorgeous but also recalling some of my memories.
I met a guy before the mid autumn festival two years ago. He was working in the fashion and design industry which I have no knowledge in it even now. We hit it up and started dating. He told me lots of his family matters and introduced me his family members. I tried all the sources to get him the quickly sold out custard mooncakes from Peninsula Hotel Hong Kong because he wanted to eat it. The relationship seemed on a right track until a business trip with him to NYC. Perhaps, I might not be the one he was seeking. Apart from my travel experiences, I could be just a small kid in all other aspects of life from his eyes as he is eight years older than me. I got a "no" signal indirectly from him after we were back from NYC. But, my heart was not yet dead. He returned to HK for good. I voluntarily "transport" most of his belongings across the ocean. I nodded my head towards his invitation for a boring fashion event. I entertained him whenever he felt like to have fine Japanese food and drinks even I was extremely tired from work. My friends worried me because I was not like that outgoing and sociable. Well, I started thinking his attitude was not longer the same. We didn't even hug.
No point to insist. It was time to let him go. We are still in touch sometimes. But, the sparks are already burnt out.
I thought I would return in peace after this short relationship. Thank the Lord for giving me another disastrous relationship. I was in a relationship with a married colleague. How innocent to believe I could share his love with his wife from the other side of the planet. My eyes were so blinded with love that I could only see his goods and our sweet moments. One day, I was waken by the news that his wife was pregnant. I could only choose to accept the fact. I continued to support him with my so-called love. However, he was simply ignoring me because he has new life targets established! He even purposely hid himself from me. I worry he couldn't manage as he didn't seem ready to have a family. He made up many excuses to defend himself. The most heart breaking was he denied our close body contact (not sex!!) which he said he did it because he was drunk. We are DONE. We blocked each other in faebook. After the breakup, I was having lots of train trips in Japan which gave me lots of free time to think. I was thinking how to tell his wife of all his irresponsible acts, how to break his family and make him to regret what he had done... etc. Luckily, I am not like him. I am still kind and responsible enough. We both held responsibilities on this matter. Personally, I think hurting the innocent ones is not fair to them. At the same time, I didn't want to see anyone ending her life as I respect lives.
We worked together recently after he was back from maternity leave, We didn't have non work related conversations. Whenever he was there, I was even more black and white and showing him my "leadership"!!
My body was full of wounds after that autumn. I became more relaxed since I left hate during my recovery. I learned to love myself and cherish the present. Knowing how to love myself allows me to care the other people. I wish my past experience can inspire anyone with life downturns. Also, by listening to the others, I could accumulate more wisdom of life.
I am used to face all the autumns ahead. The weather is chilling but I'd never feel cold. Thanks for them giving me up, I could take care of myself, enjoying my prosperous single life and moving onto all the sparkling pages in my life. Won't hate them for being bad to me as these life experiences sculpture from a raw rock to jade.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012
開竅 Enlightenment
不知不覺，最近朋友的遭遇竟然令我改變了許多習慣.. 包括從新開始了在網路上的部落post文章；開始了每天一小時的帶氧運動；減少廚餘，吃的清淡了；不要浪費時間等等。不可否認，這些都是以前我幻想過要做事情，但總半途而廢，覺得是永遠不會達成的習慣。因為了這位朋友，令我知道要發揮自己，才不會浪費造物者的心思。我要努力做運動，我要證明不可能的，我都可以把它變成可能。我可以，他都可以的呢。大家都加油！！
My friend's recent situation enlightens me a lot: starting to develop my writing and translating skills by posting on blogs; doing cardio exercises in the gym for an hour in a daily basis; reducing food wastage and going on a simple and healthy diet; not wasting my time.. etc. I am gonna say these are all the things I wished to do in the past but never put into actions. To me, those are something never touchable. Because of this friend, I realize I am not letting the one who's created the world down. Especially, my determination to the gym would prove my ability to turn impossible to possible. I can do, so can him!!
My friend's recent situation enlightens me a lot: starting to develop my writing and translating skills by posting on blogs; doing cardio exercises in the gym for an hour in a daily basis; reducing food wastage and going on a simple and healthy diet; not wasting my time.. etc. I am gonna say these are all the things I wished to do in the past but never put into actions. To me, those are something never touchable. Because of this friend, I realize I am not letting the one who's created the world down. Especially, my determination to the gym would prove my ability to turn impossible to possible. I can do, so can him!!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012
旭日初升
很美，很壯觀。靈光一閃：不管黑夜有多長，光明總會在前面
這是我當時的心情。我送你這幾張照片。光明快要到了！！！
I took this few shots in one of my flights two years ago when I was positioned in career and relationship downturns. The sunrise lasted for only a few minutes because the speed of the plane and the curved Earth surface.
It is beautiful, isn't? I understood no matter how long the night is, sunrise is always ahead.
That was my thought at that moment. Let me dedicate these pictures to you as your sunrise is coming soon!!!!
Monday, 24 September 2012
Wednesday, 19 September 2012
別在下雨天偷偷的哭泣
看到了他在臉書上換了一張烏雲密佈，快要下雨的照片，我心裡不好受。這個可以理解，將來的路並不容易，未知數也很多，要面對如此巨變，儘管多有心裡準備，心情還是會跌進谷底
日子依舊要過，雨會有下完的一天，晴天一定會再出現，突然想起了蔡英文敗選總統是的一番話 （最後一句是我更改的）
“如果心裡真的很難過，就讓他發洩出來，可以哭泣，不要洩氣，可以悲傷，可是不要放棄。因為明天起來，要像過去般心裡充滿著希望和勇敢地撐著自己的將來”
負面情緒，請你快點離開他。
“你要快點回來！！要振作！！”
His facebook's cover photo is full of cloudy and darkness. I feel bad for him. Well, this is totally understandable. If I were him, no matter how well I am prepared to face everything, my heart would still be drowned as there are just too many uncertainties ahead
We still have to live our lives. The sun will come again after the showers. Tsai Yingwen's (candidate to Taiwan's president election this year) speech flashes in my mind suddenly (I modified the last line),
"Release your frustration when you are very sad. You can cry but not losing motivation. You can be sorrow but not giving up. You will be getting up tomorrow with full loads of hopes and brave to support your future."
All the negative thoughts, please please leave him!!
日子依舊要過，雨會有下完的一天，晴天一定會再出現，突然想起了蔡英文敗選總統是的一番話 （最後一句是我更改的）
“如果心裡真的很難過，就讓他發洩出來，可以哭泣，不要洩氣，可以悲傷，可是不要放棄。因為明天起來，要像過去般心裡充滿著希望和勇敢地撐著自己的將來”
負面情緒，請你快點離開他。
“你要快點回來！！要振作！！”
His facebook's cover photo is full of cloudy and darkness. I feel bad for him. Well, this is totally understandable. If I were him, no matter how well I am prepared to face everything, my heart would still be drowned as there are just too many uncertainties ahead
We still have to live our lives. The sun will come again after the showers. Tsai Yingwen's (candidate to Taiwan's president election this year) speech flashes in my mind suddenly (I modified the last line),
"Release your frustration when you are very sad. You can cry but not losing motivation. You can be sorrow but not giving up. You will be getting up tomorrow with full loads of hopes and brave to support your future."
All the negative thoughts, please please leave him!!
愛的代價
人際之間的關係很微妙，我跟他素未謀面，偶然跟他聯繫上，他的遭遇打動了我
一個年少有為的醫護人員，為了另一半，無條件的付出。換來的卻是一連串的惡夢：先是被對方拋棄，之後就驗出可能被感染了HIV。現在正處於空窗期的他，每天應付的不單是工作上的壓力，更要抽空照顧年老的父母；要準時吃藥；要注意身體狀況... 等等。 最煎熬的，莫過於起伏不定如過山車的情緒。被拋棄的不甘心，愛與恨膠著。明明還是想念著對方，腦海中不停湧現著昔日義無反顧的愛情。幾秒鐘後，腦袋又播放著被逼分手，擔心如果是確診的病患，過往努力地考取的專業資格很大機會就會化為烏有。敗給了“信任”和“愛情”，不安全的性行為對擁有豐富醫學知識的他是個很大的羞辱，因此是構想了恨不得把對方找出來打個痛快的畫面。
我從未接觸過心情和際遇那麼複雜的人。我，不懂得對他說甚麼。心知道鼓勵的說話大家都會說，真心的話又怕把他打進18層地獄。幾天前他突然打給我，我的思緒被打亂了。三個半小時的電話對話，基本上第一個鐘頭都是讓他抒發心裡的感受。我很擔心，因為我覺得我們在感情失敗後的想法都很像。第二個鐘頭我開始嘗試表達了我對整個事情的看法，畢竟我是個局外人，沒有作甚麼批判性的言論。由於我的失敗經驗太多，所以試著引導他不要走上我以前痛苦的路。第三個鐘頭，我繼續說出我的看法，不過這回就有點像辯論，他某些想法和動作恕我無法贊同...朋友，請不要介意，說話率直是我的缺點，也是我最大的優點，不管怎樣，我也希望他可以從另外一個角度看和處理餘下的問題而不要把問題複雜化。他已經夠辛苦了，放鬆一點好不好？ 最後的半個小時，我們開始講別的事情，我偶爾聽到了他的笑聲，也鬆了一口氣。
因為他的經歷，我看到了自己的影子。當日徬徨無助的日子，自己是怎麼樣過的？人是主觀的，大家的際遇，成長背景和價值觀都不一樣，我也沒可能想出任何適合他的方法。就是因為大家的價值觀不一，我希望他可以從多方面去面對。行動前，謹記要考慮長遠結果和顧全大局。
我，在感情，工作和健康都輸過，跌倒過，傷過，絕望過。領會到凡事沒有絕對，今天的不順，將會是明日的甜美回憶。苦過，才明白到自己多幸福；失去過，才會更珍惜現有；錯過，會學懂面對現實和把經歷變成智慧。
“要說的，我都說了。餘下的要靠你自己！人生無幾個十年，如果平均壽命是八十歲，你已差不多活了一半。你要選擇一直被他的陰影蠶食著而沈淪下去還是活得精彩，你想清楚吧。你是個醫生，你救過無數人，可以快點救自己嗎？如果我是被你幫助過的病人，看到你的迷失落魄都會很難過。我每天讀你的部落都覺得很心酸，因為你寫的30多篇文章都離不開怨恨。既然事情已經發生了，何不集中精神，先顧好自己？既然你揮不走你的腦海，倒不如就不要忘記他。用他對你的不好作為向前的動力，去引證上天給予你的能力。也不要讓愛護你，支持你的朋友失望。”
回眸過去，一笑置之。視野不要被一陣的過眼雲煙停留著，加油，放下過去，大家都勇敢地撥開雲霧，向前衝吧！！
"The bounding" among people are always unpredictable. I have never met him but we are networked. His story has moved me.
A doctor with a blooming career in the medical filed has traded his unconditional love with a series of nightmares. Firstly, being dumped by the other half. Then, his HIV blood test result was a horrible positive. The result is not 100% confirmed yet as he still has to do a few tests to confirm if he carries the illness. In the meanwhile, his life isn't easy as he has to take care of his elderly parents, taking medications on time, sorting out all work-related matters and taking note of his body conditions ... etc. Emotionally, his mood goes up and down like a roller coaster. His mind is full of sweet memories at certain time of a day and in seconds he could drown himself to the trough where contains pictures of break up and the possible ruined career. Being defeated by "trust" and "love", his unsafe sex is a big insult to his professionalism. As a result, he imagines to beat up the other party.
I have never met people with such complicated emotion and life. I have no idea what to say. I assume I don't say much something encouraging as many people have said so already. I worry my unmodified words would hurt him like sending him to the hell. My mind was turned up side down when he called me on phone suddenly few days ago. We talked for three and a half hours. The first hour was more like to let him speak up his thoughts. I was worried because our responses towards love failures were pretty much the same. The next hour, was trying to tell him what I thought. I couldn't make much comment as I am an outsider of his relationship. Since I had too many love failures before, was attempting to lead him out of the miserable thinkings. Then, I continued to voice my point of view to the matter. We were like doing a minor debates as I didn't agree some of his thoughts. My friend, please don't mind. My weakness, could also be my strength, is that I am always too straight to the point without considering your feelings. Trust me, my intention is to make you see this from different angles. Solving the current problems is a lot more practical than worsening the situation. Your life is difficult enough, could you make it easier? I was relieved in the last thirty minutes of the phone call because we started to talk something else and I heard you laugh.
I see my shadow from what he is going through. How did I overcome the days filled with desperation? Human beings are subjective. Our past life experiences and values are never identical. It is just impossible to think of any solutions suit him the best. But, because of the differences of values, I hope he could consider from dynamic ways. He must think about the long term consequences before taking any actions.
Life is never smooth. I felt lost. hurt and desperate from my love, work and health. The obstacles today will become sweet memories in the future. Disasters and failures make me understand how fortunate I am relative to the more misfortunate. I learn to cherish when I am losing something. I learn to face the reality and turn experience to wisdom whenever I have made mistakes.
"I have said all I have to say. It is all up to you! There are not many decades in one's life. If the average life expectance is 80, you are approaching to half of it. Please think about if you would choose to let your ex to decay your life or a wonderful life with lots of hopes. You have saved numerous life, can you save yourself? You are definitely breaking my heart if I am one of your patients who know you are so miserable now. My heart turns sour everyday after reading your blog as 30 plus of our articles are to do with hate. Things happened already, why not focusing on taking care of yourself first? As your ex is already implanted in your mind deeply, why bother? Live with him since his bad not only transforms to motivation to move you forward, but also proves your ability gifted by the Lord. Never let whoever supporting you down!!!"
When we are looking back, things happened were just laughable. Do not let "the scattered showers and storms" blur our visions. Let the past goes, move on!!!
一個年少有為的醫護人員，為了另一半，無條件的付出。換來的卻是一連串的惡夢：先是被對方拋棄，之後就驗出可能被感染了HIV。現在正處於空窗期的他，每天應付的不單是工作上的壓力，更要抽空照顧年老的父母；要準時吃藥；要注意身體狀況... 等等。 最煎熬的，莫過於起伏不定如過山車的情緒。被拋棄的不甘心，愛與恨膠著。明明還是想念著對方，腦海中不停湧現著昔日義無反顧的愛情。幾秒鐘後，腦袋又播放著被逼分手，擔心如果是確診的病患，過往努力地考取的專業資格很大機會就會化為烏有。敗給了“信任”和“愛情”，不安全的性行為對擁有豐富醫學知識的他是個很大的羞辱，因此是構想了恨不得把對方找出來打個痛快的畫面。
我從未接觸過心情和際遇那麼複雜的人。我，不懂得對他說甚麼。心知道鼓勵的說話大家都會說，真心的話又怕把他打進18層地獄。幾天前他突然打給我，我的思緒被打亂了。三個半小時的電話對話，基本上第一個鐘頭都是讓他抒發心裡的感受。我很擔心，因為我覺得我們在感情失敗後的想法都很像。第二個鐘頭我開始嘗試表達了我對整個事情的看法，畢竟我是個局外人，沒有作甚麼批判性的言論。由於我的失敗經驗太多，所以試著引導他不要走上我以前痛苦的路。第三個鐘頭，我繼續說出我的看法，不過這回就有點像辯論，他某些想法和動作恕我無法贊同...朋友，請不要介意，說話率直是我的缺點，也是我最大的優點，不管怎樣，我也希望他可以從另外一個角度看和處理餘下的問題而不要把問題複雜化。他已經夠辛苦了，放鬆一點好不好？ 最後的半個小時，我們開始講別的事情，我偶爾聽到了他的笑聲，也鬆了一口氣。
因為他的經歷，我看到了自己的影子。當日徬徨無助的日子，自己是怎麼樣過的？人是主觀的，大家的際遇，成長背景和價值觀都不一樣，我也沒可能想出任何適合他的方法。就是因為大家的價值觀不一，我希望他可以從多方面去面對。行動前，謹記要考慮長遠結果和顧全大局。
我，在感情，工作和健康都輸過，跌倒過，傷過，絕望過。領會到凡事沒有絕對，今天的不順，將會是明日的甜美回憶。苦過，才明白到自己多幸福；失去過，才會更珍惜現有；錯過，會學懂面對現實和把經歷變成智慧。
“要說的，我都說了。餘下的要靠你自己！人生無幾個十年，如果平均壽命是八十歲，你已差不多活了一半。你要選擇一直被他的陰影蠶食著而沈淪下去還是活得精彩，你想清楚吧。你是個醫生，你救過無數人，可以快點救自己嗎？如果我是被你幫助過的病人，看到你的迷失落魄都會很難過。我每天讀你的部落都覺得很心酸，因為你寫的30多篇文章都離不開怨恨。既然事情已經發生了，何不集中精神，先顧好自己？既然你揮不走你的腦海，倒不如就不要忘記他。用他對你的不好作為向前的動力，去引證上天給予你的能力。也不要讓愛護你，支持你的朋友失望。”
回眸過去，一笑置之。視野不要被一陣的過眼雲煙停留著，加油，放下過去，大家都勇敢地撥開雲霧，向前衝吧！！
"The bounding" among people are always unpredictable. I have never met him but we are networked. His story has moved me.
A doctor with a blooming career in the medical filed has traded his unconditional love with a series of nightmares. Firstly, being dumped by the other half. Then, his HIV blood test result was a horrible positive. The result is not 100% confirmed yet as he still has to do a few tests to confirm if he carries the illness. In the meanwhile, his life isn't easy as he has to take care of his elderly parents, taking medications on time, sorting out all work-related matters and taking note of his body conditions ... etc. Emotionally, his mood goes up and down like a roller coaster. His mind is full of sweet memories at certain time of a day and in seconds he could drown himself to the trough where contains pictures of break up and the possible ruined career. Being defeated by "trust" and "love", his unsafe sex is a big insult to his professionalism. As a result, he imagines to beat up the other party.
I have never met people with such complicated emotion and life. I have no idea what to say. I assume I don't say much something encouraging as many people have said so already. I worry my unmodified words would hurt him like sending him to the hell. My mind was turned up side down when he called me on phone suddenly few days ago. We talked for three and a half hours. The first hour was more like to let him speak up his thoughts. I was worried because our responses towards love failures were pretty much the same. The next hour, was trying to tell him what I thought. I couldn't make much comment as I am an outsider of his relationship. Since I had too many love failures before, was attempting to lead him out of the miserable thinkings. Then, I continued to voice my point of view to the matter. We were like doing a minor debates as I didn't agree some of his thoughts. My friend, please don't mind. My weakness, could also be my strength, is that I am always too straight to the point without considering your feelings. Trust me, my intention is to make you see this from different angles. Solving the current problems is a lot more practical than worsening the situation. Your life is difficult enough, could you make it easier? I was relieved in the last thirty minutes of the phone call because we started to talk something else and I heard you laugh.
I see my shadow from what he is going through. How did I overcome the days filled with desperation? Human beings are subjective. Our past life experiences and values are never identical. It is just impossible to think of any solutions suit him the best. But, because of the differences of values, I hope he could consider from dynamic ways. He must think about the long term consequences before taking any actions.
Life is never smooth. I felt lost. hurt and desperate from my love, work and health. The obstacles today will become sweet memories in the future. Disasters and failures make me understand how fortunate I am relative to the more misfortunate. I learn to cherish when I am losing something. I learn to face the reality and turn experience to wisdom whenever I have made mistakes.
"I have said all I have to say. It is all up to you! There are not many decades in one's life. If the average life expectance is 80, you are approaching to half of it. Please think about if you would choose to let your ex to decay your life or a wonderful life with lots of hopes. You have saved numerous life, can you save yourself? You are definitely breaking my heart if I am one of your patients who know you are so miserable now. My heart turns sour everyday after reading your blog as 30 plus of our articles are to do with hate. Things happened already, why not focusing on taking care of yourself first? As your ex is already implanted in your mind deeply, why bother? Live with him since his bad not only transforms to motivation to move you forward, but also proves your ability gifted by the Lord. Never let whoever supporting you down!!!"
When we are looking back, things happened were just laughable. Do not let "the scattered showers and storms" blur our visions. Let the past goes, move on!!!
Tuesday, 18 September 2012
東京，失色了 (Written in April 2011)
31日到了羽田機場，氣氛很平靜。外國護照的行列，完全不用排隊，很順利就過關入城了。東京下著毛毛雨，心裡有點擔心甚麼輻射雨，反正到來了，不要想太多。check in酒店之後就要趕去把水拿去了。臨時收集站是在品川附近一個室內運動場裡面，門口有很多臨時牌指示著場地入口。入口還有幾位義工帶我進去，她們看來都是40多歲的婦女，其中一個更很友善的笑著幫我拿著10多公斤的水，我用英語說著不用了。這時候她們才驚訝我是從國外來的，對我做了個90度鞠躬！我很不好意思，也很感動，原來自己出那麼少的力，人家是多麼的欣賞和專重。到了場內，看到他們很有系統的先把我的東西登記，一位曾經在紐約工作的日籍義工過來接待我，還有介紹了一位來自多倫多的義工給我認識。我看大家都上下一心的忙著，我也不好意思再逗留，道謝了就走了
很奇怪，我離開運動場之後，黑雲慢慢的消散了，開始看到了藍天，白雲和陽光。雨後陽光，份外令人振奮
一月來的時候，就被這五光十色的都會迷著了。雖然經了一場大地震，市面上較明顯的轉變如：某大藥房的招牌在晚上關燈了；Body Shop在御前盯的分店提早打烊了；自動售賣機的燈被關上了；車站的電動扶手梯停了；築地市場的交收少了；街上很少聽到其他語言了。一直是經濟奇蹟標誌的東京，失色了。可是，人們還是努力的打拼著；看店的人盡力的推銷貨品，壽司師傅日英夾雜的跟我聊天之餘還更用心的去做每一個壽司，多個車站外面偶爾有人叫喊著為災民籌款，我相信，失色的情況只是短暫性的，大家都在奮鬥著，更好的一定會在前面，加油！
很奇怪，我離開運動場之後，黑雲慢慢的消散了，開始看到了藍天，白雲和陽光。雨後陽光，份外令人振奮
一月來的時候，就被這五光十色的都會迷著了。雖然經了一場大地震，市面上較明顯的轉變如：某大藥房的招牌在晚上關燈了；Body Shop在御前盯的分店提早打烊了；自動售賣機的燈被關上了；車站的電動扶手梯停了；築地市場的交收少了；街上很少聽到其他語言了。一直是經濟奇蹟標誌的東京，失色了。可是，人們還是努力的打拼著；看店的人盡力的推銷貨品，壽司師傅日英夾雜的跟我聊天之餘還更用心的去做每一個壽司，多個車站外面偶爾有人叫喊著為災民籌款，我相信，失色的情況只是短暫性的，大家都在奮鬥著，更好的一定會在前面，加油！
11瓶水的故事 (written in April 2011)
心是有了，如何去實淺呢？日本方面對天災有自己的一個系統，為了避免加重當地救援隊和醫護人員的負擔，他們不會隨意接收來自外國的食物和毛毯，因為沒有經過當地食物檢定的物資有機會在災區造成集體食物中毒或過敏症。還有為了使就在更有效率，某些機構會要求大家預先把物資包裝在指定大小的箱子裡面，方便運輸。這兩點大家要體諒。加上全國不同的市政府都很難直接跟災區聯絡上，並不知道他們需要甚麼的物資。還有大城市如東京曾經出現了恐慌性的購買水和白米,所以他們國內的募捐活動帶多是收現金而已。在網絡上一直找不到相關的機構可以接收這些水。很巧，28日收到了一直沒有回我電郵的日籍同事的回覆，說在東京我住的酒店附近有接收站，最後接收日期是31日，而我也是31日到東京！她馬上幫我打去確認我的水可否達到他們的要求，完全通過了！幾個小時後，我跟另一個日籍同事聯絡上了，他也幫我從香港打去確認，還有詢問了他們需要那些物資。我看到了在facebook的留言，說著Iwaki當地的官員說他們很缺乏食物，大家都很肚餓。本來這位同事準備在我出發的時候在機場給我一箱泡麵拿過去，可是他最後生病了，不能來。他只好幾天後自己去名古屋時親自拿去吧。謝謝了兩位有心的日籍同事，
給我的...絕筆 (Written in April 2011)
本來有想過要用“愛，遺書”為題。不過，遺書兩字未免太令人產生不安，還有我還是平安回來了。所以，就用比較婉轉的“絕筆”來談談我出發去日本的感覺吧
早在2月中已經計劃去日本看櫻花。一月第一次去了東京，很有好感，加上從來沒有在東京的上野公園看過櫻花，充滿著期待的去看了。只不過，機位一直都很緊張，出發日期遲遲未能確認。3月11日後，去日本的機位供應突然被拋空了，我的票就馬上confirmed.心想還是不要去了。畢竟輻射的狀況很不穩定，但看見災民確是需要應急物資，加上東京一直傳出不夠乾淨的食水供應予嬰兒，自己回想活了30多個年頭，好像也每做過甚麼有意義的事情。有意義不一定是指甚麼建功立業的事情，對社會付出多一點貢獻都已經算呢。還有，在職場上發生的事情，不管是看到客人的無理要求，怪獸父母如何寵壞自己的孩子們，還是同事之間的相處，曾經在我心裡勾起了很多疑問，迷失了好一會。既然自己是個沒甚麼夢想的人，倒不如就跑去幫忙一下囉
這個念頭的頭號反對者當然是母親大人呢！！哈哈，媽媽對不起了，我最終都是先瞞著你去了日本一趟。雖然11瓶瓶裝水是很有限的物資，我相信集腋成裘，對當地的人已經是個很大的支持和鼓勵。
計劃去托運瓶裝水的勇氣隨著接近出發日期竟然慢慢的冷卻了，取而代之竟然是不同程度的不安。越接近出發日，要交代的事情好像越來越多了。不要笑，我甚至聯絡了一位兼職殯儀業的朋友詢問有關的資料。每天都跟幾個朋友討論我的行程鋪排。雖然有人覺得我這樣做很無謂，幫到的不多之餘，隨時會陪上性命，但是幾個要好的朋友一直都很支持，也給了我很多信心。特別有一位仁兄提醒了我要注意身體健康，他的鼓勵把我慢慢從迷失裡帶出來了。基於自己的責任心，既然已經決定要去，就要去完成。大家的支持為我帶來了很大的動力，3月31日，我順利的把水送過去了，4月一日傍晚7點多，安全回了香港。既然回來了，之前想過“絕筆”的內容也不要公開了。
早在2月中已經計劃去日本看櫻花。一月第一次去了東京，很有好感，加上從來沒有在東京的上野公園看過櫻花，充滿著期待的去看了。只不過，機位一直都很緊張，出發日期遲遲未能確認。3月11日後，去日本的機位供應突然被拋空了，我的票就馬上confirmed.心想還是不要去了。畢竟輻射的狀況很不穩定，但看見災民確是需要應急物資，加上東京一直傳出不夠乾淨的食水供應予嬰兒，自己回想活了30多個年頭，好像也每做過甚麼有意義的事情。有意義不一定是指甚麼建功立業的事情，對社會付出多一點貢獻都已經算呢。還有，在職場上發生的事情，不管是看到客人的無理要求，怪獸父母如何寵壞自己的孩子們，還是同事之間的相處，曾經在我心裡勾起了很多疑問，迷失了好一會。既然自己是個沒甚麼夢想的人，倒不如就跑去幫忙一下囉
這個念頭的頭號反對者當然是母親大人呢！！哈哈，媽媽對不起了，我最終都是先瞞著你去了日本一趟。雖然11瓶瓶裝水是很有限的物資，我相信集腋成裘，對當地的人已經是個很大的支持和鼓勵。
計劃去托運瓶裝水的勇氣隨著接近出發日期竟然慢慢的冷卻了，取而代之竟然是不同程度的不安。越接近出發日，要交代的事情好像越來越多了。不要笑，我甚至聯絡了一位兼職殯儀業的朋友詢問有關的資料。每天都跟幾個朋友討論我的行程鋪排。雖然有人覺得我這樣做很無謂，幫到的不多之餘，隨時會陪上性命，但是幾個要好的朋友一直都很支持，也給了我很多信心。特別有一位仁兄提醒了我要注意身體健康，他的鼓勵把我慢慢從迷失裡帶出來了。基於自己的責任心，既然已經決定要去，就要去完成。大家的支持為我帶來了很大的動力，3月31日，我順利的把水送過去了，4月一日傍晚7點多，安全回了香港。既然回來了，之前想過“絕筆”的內容也不要公開了。
玩具
我，鐵甲人，生產與70年代的後期，當時正值鐵甲人動畫和玩具的全盛時期，很多人都爭著把我和其他兄弟們帶回家。時間過得快，幾年前刮了懷舊風，我就被送到了二手懷舊玩具專賣店寄居了。等了好幾個月，去年年底有人來把我收留了。主人對我很好，每天都跟我玩，又用心的把我身上的生銹抹走，又幫我從新補上已經脫落的顏料，讓我脫胎換骨。主人對我的好，我可以做的就是在我們相處的日子多讓主人開心，為他帶來快樂。其實我的位置都很被動，每次看到主人不開心和失落的樣子，我束手無策之餘，就只能默默地坐在主人旁邊，精神上分擔著主人的煩惱。他偶爾會對著我發牢騷，我也很樂意的聽他說。不過，有時候他會有點粗魯，但是，看到了主人的快樂，就是我生存的目的了
幾個星期前，主人的生活產生了巨變，他的心裡和家裡都不能再容納我了。他不可以像以前般對我的體貼和關心了。相反，我長期被他困在陰暗的箱子裡面。這些不見天日的日子，我度日如年，我明知道逃出生天的一天很有機會就是我的大限之期。可是我從來沒有怪主人，因為他曾經用心的對我好。甜美的時光雖然很短，但卻永留心中
我，最終被遺棄了。現在躺在一個堆田區的沙地上，等待著被正法
幾個星期前，主人的生活產生了巨變，他的心裡和家裡都不能再容納我了。他不可以像以前般對我的體貼和關心了。相反，我長期被他困在陰暗的箱子裡面。這些不見天日的日子，我度日如年，我明知道逃出生天的一天很有機會就是我的大限之期。可是我從來沒有怪主人，因為他曾經用心的對我好。甜美的時光雖然很短，但卻永留心中
我，最終被遺棄了。現在躺在一個堆田區的沙地上，等待著被正法
給一個賤人的話 （5）
很多事情，我也得自己去解決，你也快要成家了，小的不可以老是煩著你。我的煩惱就讓我去煩，你就先顧好你朋友所說的“相思病”吧。我很堅強的呢，既然我的瑣碎事情跟你無關，你也不會幫上甚麼，還是不要跟你說了。請不要再勉強我，好嗎？這陣子我搞不懂，你是怎樣的一個人。一方面要做好人，另一方面有做出和說出傷害性的事情和話。我會想你是真的為了關心我，還是純粹是八卦。有時候我對你有點害怕，是你最近的壓力大了，還是我一直都看錯了人？
我不知道你現在為小峰的出生準備了甚麼，直到現在我知道的，感覺上好像所做的還沒很多。最令我不理解的是你竟然還在找“麻雀腳”，難道你沒有想過要跟阿嫂共同照顧小峰嗎？我不想說，更不想作比較，可是我覺得你班的冠軍比你用心，有責任感多了。我有另一個朋友的太太也懷孕了，他也因此而戒了20多年的煙癮。你又為你的家做了甚麼？有了孩子，責任不同了，還是常常想著去玩嗎？
我真的很好事，你的事情其實我覺得不應評論太多，畢竟我在你心中只是一個普通的外人。不過，我真心的想你好。距離預產期只剩下兩個月左右，而根據我所知道你的狀況，我擔心了。快加把勁，好嗎？
我不知道你現在為小峰的出生準備了甚麼，直到現在我知道的，感覺上好像所做的還沒很多。最令我不理解的是你竟然還在找“麻雀腳”，難道你沒有想過要跟阿嫂共同照顧小峰嗎？我不想說，更不想作比較，可是我覺得你班的冠軍比你用心，有責任感多了。我有另一個朋友的太太也懷孕了，他也因此而戒了20多年的煙癮。你又為你的家做了甚麼？有了孩子，責任不同了，還是常常想著去玩嗎？
我真的很好事，你的事情其實我覺得不應評論太多，畢竟我在你心中只是一個普通的外人。不過，我真心的想你好。距離預產期只剩下兩個月左右，而根據我所知道你的狀況，我擔心了。快加把勁，好嗎？
給一個賤人的話 （4）
你今天回來了，應該蠻累的，因為你很晚才上網，不管怎樣喔，一定要對自己好，保持好的健康啦。你回了香港的幾天小的真的悶到發霉。請不要誤會是你不再我才 覺得悶，反正我也要學著你不在的時候我如何打發時間呢。只不過，這幾天好像沒有甚麼動力去做甚麼。本來上禮拜五已經想要去chinatown，到了今天也 沒有起行。拜一約好了朋友去uptown做tax refund,太貪睡的我差點想過要爽約，還好我沒有，不然就拿不到2000元的refund了！所以呢，力不到真的不為財。
要對你confess一下，第一是小的這幾天沒有好好利用時間，最有作為的是看了兩個電視劇... 第二就是，小的浪費了半盒牛奶了...真的沒辦法在過期前把它喝完。小的承諾在浪費食物方面再下努力。
看看我們的roster，五月似乎不是很容易見面。不過這樣也好，你也不會花錢在汽油來downtown.小的覺得過意不去呢，一方面說怕你錢不夠用，一 方面要煩著要你來找我。這次去香港也許我會買一個湯壺，小的可以去uptown的時候讓你喝湯，之後小的就可以拿走，搭地鐵回家都很方便呢
好了，要煮菜，先不講了
要對你confess一下，第一是小的這幾天沒有好好利用時間，最有作為的是看了兩個電視劇... 第二就是，小的浪費了半盒牛奶了...真的沒辦法在過期前把它喝完。小的承諾在浪費食物方面再下努力。
看看我們的roster，五月似乎不是很容易見面。不過這樣也好，你也不會花錢在汽油來downtown.小的覺得過意不去呢，一方面說怕你錢不夠用，一 方面要煩著要你來找我。這次去香港也許我會買一個湯壺，小的可以去uptown的時候讓你喝湯，之後小的就可以拿走，搭地鐵回家都很方便呢
好了，要煮菜，先不講了
給一個賤人的話 （3）
感謝！感激！雖然汽油漲價，峰哥亦多次安排前來downtown到訪，深受感動。我可以多去uptown,你去Finch接送就可以喇.我明天會去Parkway Mall找朋友做tax return
你昨晚又把我弄哭了！！哈哈。無所謂了，大家的疑團都解散了。小的覺得很好，因為這幾禮拜以來的抑鬱和不愉快都全消了，最重要是我們更了解對方。你知道嗎，你是一個令我流淚最多，也是一個我生命中暫時最值得義無返顧地付出而不計較收穫的男人。不是肉麻，只不過我覺得縱使大家之前有著很大的誤會，你還是希望我會變好，不要誤入歧途，我感覺很受到你的愛護和關懷。眼淚沒有白流，留出來的也沒有絕望，憤怒和傷心，反而是滿載著感動，關心和愛心。
明天就要“上路”了，之前很熱血地覺得要以天下為己任，幫助當地的人。出發前的時候，原來會開始緊張。雖然是個24小時的行程，可是路途好像有點兇險，畢竟當地的地質好像還是不是很穩定。之前我覺得生命是注定的，況且我要做的事情大多完成了，如果上天要我回去，我會毫不猶疑的走。但是，現在想法不一樣了，假設這次有甚麼危險，我答應你，我會堅強，會盡最大的努力生存。你們有了小峰，令我體會到來到這個世界已經好不容易，我健康地活到現在已經很感恩。放心吧，我絕不會輕易放棄的
沒有甚麼遺言給你，我覺得我很有信心地回來。不過，萬一我回不來，我就在此跟你說聲再見了。你們要好好的活著，小的會在另一個世界守護和支持著你們
你昨晚又把我弄哭了！！哈哈。無所謂了，大家的疑團都解散了。小的覺得很好，因為這幾禮拜以來的抑鬱和不愉快都全消了，最重要是我們更了解對方。你知道嗎，你是一個令我流淚最多，也是一個我生命中暫時最值得義無返顧地付出而不計較收穫的男人。不是肉麻，只不過我覺得縱使大家之前有著很大的誤會，你還是希望我會變好，不要誤入歧途，我感覺很受到你的愛護和關懷。眼淚沒有白流，留出來的也沒有絕望，憤怒和傷心，反而是滿載著感動，關心和愛心。
明天就要“上路”了，之前很熱血地覺得要以天下為己任，幫助當地的人。出發前的時候，原來會開始緊張。雖然是個24小時的行程，可是路途好像有點兇險，畢竟當地的地質好像還是不是很穩定。之前我覺得生命是注定的，況且我要做的事情大多完成了，如果上天要我回去，我會毫不猶疑的走。但是，現在想法不一樣了，假設這次有甚麼危險，我答應你，我會堅強，會盡最大的努力生存。你們有了小峰，令我體會到來到這個世界已經好不容易，我健康地活到現在已經很感恩。放心吧，我絕不會輕易放棄的
沒有甚麼遺言給你，我覺得我很有信心地回來。不過，萬一我回不來，我就在此跟你說聲再見了。你們要好好的活著，小的會在另一個世界守護和支持著你們
Monday, 17 September 2012
給一個賤人的話 （2）
這個禮拜你也很忙吧。希望你不要太辛苦，看到你的肥腫難分的照片有點心疼，你睡不夠不但很難看，更重要是對身體的影響。我相信這點你會明白的，不過請你多自律了！！如果你的睡眠不足是因為壓力和不開心，我樂意跟你分擔。但是你要說明甚麼東西可以外說。還有，說真的，如果你真的很不開心，你可以對我毆打我。哈哈，不過，等我吃飯前才暴力。
純粹個人感覺，你好像越來越愁眉深鎖，我看了自己都很不安樂。你真的不需要幫忙嗎？我能力範圍裡面的也可以幫。不用客氣，不要擔心，也不要亂想，我從來沒有想過有甚麼回報，對你好也不是之前你為我做的報恩，如果你對我的好已經產生了壓力，一定要跟我說。其實我相信你也覺得我會一直靠在你邊，好幾次你問我家裡有否”工具“，我也說沒有，不想你走錯路，回不了頭。現在的心態改變了，學會了放下和施與，樂觀一點，開始知道快樂，愛和幸福的真諦
這陣子我沒有喝太多酒加上身體開始適應了那個fat burner，在家裡作暈的感覺也沒有。愛惜別人之餘也要照顧自己，畢竟年紀大了，身體偶爾也不聽話。微博上我說過雖然你在多倫多的時間越來越少，小的也不可以貪心，渴望你多分配時間給我，你也有很多朋友要聯絡呢。況且這個月中開始也會有幾次跟你飛，當你的守護乘客！！放心，我不會故意幫忙和一定不會在搗亂。時間不夠不能相見，這個我不會介意。反而，這樣令我們之後的每一次見面都更有意義和更值得珍惜。之前有想過我在你心裡的地位，現在，意識到這不重要了。都是一句，祝君安好。
純粹個人感覺，你好像越來越愁眉深鎖，我看了自己都很不安樂。你真的不需要幫忙嗎？我能力範圍裡面的也可以幫。不用客氣，不要擔心，也不要亂想，我從來沒有想過有甚麼回報，對你好也不是之前你為我做的報恩，如果你對我的好已經產生了壓力，一定要跟我說。其實我相信你也覺得我會一直靠在你邊，好幾次你問我家裡有否”工具“，我也說沒有，不想你走錯路，回不了頭。現在的心態改變了，學會了放下和施與，樂觀一點，開始知道快樂，愛和幸福的真諦
這陣子我沒有喝太多酒加上身體開始適應了那個fat burner，在家裡作暈的感覺也沒有。愛惜別人之餘也要照顧自己，畢竟年紀大了，身體偶爾也不聽話。微博上我說過雖然你在多倫多的時間越來越少，小的也不可以貪心，渴望你多分配時間給我，你也有很多朋友要聯絡呢。況且這個月中開始也會有幾次跟你飛，當你的守護乘客！！放心，我不會故意幫忙和一定不會在搗亂。時間不夠不能相見，這個我不會介意。反而，這樣令我們之後的每一次見面都更有意義和更值得珍惜。之前有想過我在你心裡的地位，現在，意識到這不重要了。都是一句，祝君安好。
給一個賤人的話
昨晚你跟我講的事情，當場令我又驚又喜。喜當然是你將會當爸爸。不敢隱瞞你，也許你也看出我的反應不是太熱烈，當時我的心不太舒服。這幾個月跟你一起的快樂時光好像突然間就幻滅了，如你之前說過的，大家是不會有甚麼將來，我也不抱任何希望。人心肉做，當刻我的情緒實在難以控制，需要一點時間去平服。
畢竟我也要體諒你的立場，我相信幾個月前你就已經想跟我說了，可是還沒夠三個月的事才延遲到現在。一邊閱讀著我的微博，一邊有些想說而不能說的話，我覺得你承受的壓力大的很。還記得之前我跟你說你要小心同事的一次，那段時間應該是你剛知道阿嫂懷孕，我還在生你氣，你著急地想知道那個事情的時候，我就故意不接你電話，接電話的時候又故意地逃避你的追問。對不起！我對不起你。你一直沒有說甚麼，我也沒有問。但是我覺得你一直都很愛護我，很關心我。我知道你想我快點找到另一半是怕我聽到消息後會不開心。你的推測沒錯，可是我不能怪誰。你是個有家庭的人，要為一個喜歡你的人付出關心，我覺得你心裡難免會有點罪咎。這種壓力我現在無法體會，卻教曉我要為對方切想：人是要為自己打算，這並不代表自私；愛不一定要擁有但需要包容；世事無常，要珍惜眼前的人和事。在微博有寫過，小妖的結局，坦白說，我算是悲觀的人。有想過最後小妖救了峰哥之後自己變得體弱，最終病死在醫院。不過，我實在很捨不得，對support我的朋友不起。結局中的死亡反映了我試圖逃避現實的想法，也在博取人家的同情。歸根究底，一切都是我先開始的，我不可能用這種態度離場。
上次給你的日語message,你真的不懂嗎？あなたのことが好きです.意思是我喜歡你的事情。深入一點就是喜歡你的全部，所以，我努力著去嘗試聽洪卓立的歌，你放在FB的東西我會去看去反思。當然，重要的是你的家人，我很期待看著你兒子出生和長大，你們三口子快樂的生活。你的一切，我送上最好的祝福。說真的，你是我現在唯一一個得到這個祝福的人。還有喔，你當了爸爸，家庭責任加重了，就不要孩子氣 （例如聽洪卓立的歌！哈哈)。所有事情也要以家庭為大前提，尤其是身體健康。
抱歉我昨晚一句恭喜的話都沒說，不過我知道你會明白我的心意在心中呢。好了，差不多要上班。我到了香港再聯絡好了
畢竟我也要體諒你的立場，我相信幾個月前你就已經想跟我說了，可是還沒夠三個月的事才延遲到現在。一邊閱讀著我的微博，一邊有些想說而不能說的話，我覺得你承受的壓力大的很。還記得之前我跟你說你要小心同事的一次，那段時間應該是你剛知道阿嫂懷孕，我還在生你氣，你著急地想知道那個事情的時候，我就故意不接你電話，接電話的時候又故意地逃避你的追問。對不起！我對不起你。你一直沒有說甚麼，我也沒有問。但是我覺得你一直都很愛護我，很關心我。我知道你想我快點找到另一半是怕我聽到消息後會不開心。你的推測沒錯，可是我不能怪誰。你是個有家庭的人，要為一個喜歡你的人付出關心，我覺得你心裡難免會有點罪咎。這種壓力我現在無法體會，卻教曉我要為對方切想：人是要為自己打算，這並不代表自私；愛不一定要擁有但需要包容；世事無常，要珍惜眼前的人和事。在微博有寫過，小妖的結局，坦白說，我算是悲觀的人。有想過最後小妖救了峰哥之後自己變得體弱，最終病死在醫院。不過，我實在很捨不得，對support我的朋友不起。結局中的死亡反映了我試圖逃避現實的想法，也在博取人家的同情。歸根究底，一切都是我先開始的，我不可能用這種態度離場。
上次給你的日語message,你真的不懂嗎？あなたのことが好きです.意思是我喜歡你的事情。深入一點就是喜歡你的全部，所以，我努力著去嘗試聽洪卓立的歌，你放在FB的東西我會去看去反思。當然，重要的是你的家人，我很期待看著你兒子出生和長大，你們三口子快樂的生活。你的一切，我送上最好的祝福。說真的，你是我現在唯一一個得到這個祝福的人。還有喔，你當了爸爸，家庭責任加重了，就不要孩子氣 （例如聽洪卓立的歌！哈哈)。所有事情也要以家庭為大前提，尤其是身體健康。
抱歉我昨晚一句恭喜的話都沒說，不過我知道你會明白我的心意在心中呢。好了，差不多要上班。我到了香港再聯絡好了
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)